Descartes
My Mind was brooding,
mischievously thunderous,
approaching violent skies
above evacuated beaches.
The Guiness shores were foamy,
cresting inside the pint glass,
Ebbing with the effortless tilt of my heavy head.
Seated, undulating in a wood-paneled room,
named after a planet I will never know intimately,
rhyming with my own sexual organ.
The snow outside was unrelenting.
There was a disheveled man
entranced by the symphony of snowflakes,
in the far corner under the window.
A cross between Bukowski and Einstein,
whose face said the same as mine.
“J’ai une ame solitaire”.
I didn’t have to read his thoughts,
I knew them by rote.
The Intoxication grew but so did the inspiration.
I wanted to write epic poems
about how a man’s heart
could be charred so black
or frozen completely solid.
I want to write, only what I would write
I wouldn’t actually want you to read.
I understand why I render myself mute,
morbidly thinking how death is romantic.
New York City is beautiful in a blizzard,
everything engulfed in white makes me feel so distant.
You are not my enemy in case you forgot,
My mind is my worst nemesis.
I think, therefore I rot.
what keeps you up at night 
My Mind was brooding,
–I like this, a Mind as its own entitiy that ‘broods’, like people do
mischievously thunderous
–the sound of this throws me off, maybe ‘like the approaching of a mischevous thunder in violent skies above evacuated beaches”…something like that perhaps,,, work with it, there may be a better way to sya this, less congested, maybe the one idea cna even be broken up a bit(?)
as approaching violent skies
above evacuated beaches.
The Guiness shores were foamy,
–the image of the shores being ‘guinness-like, should already indicate its ‘foamy’-nature
or maybe more like “the foam on(or of) guinness shores, crest inside the pint glass,it ebbs with the effortless tilt of my heavy head.”
cresting inside the pint glass,
Ebbing with the effortless tilt of my heavy head.
Undulated, seated in a wood-paneled room,
named after a planet I will never know intimately,
rhyming with my own sexual organ.
–this is a bit superfluousna d’what exactly ‘is’ undulating?,,, why is this line here at alll, is it just tio addd to the scenerty, if so, it can be worked in perhaps…I love the line that the planet is something you will never get to ‘know intimately’, its very ‘michael ceraso-fatalistic poetry;0)
The snow outside was unrelenting.
There was a disheveled man
entranced by the symphony of snowflakes,
in the far corner under the window.
A cross between Bukowski and Einstein,
whose face said the same as mine.
“J’ai une ame solitaire”.
I didn’t have to read his thoughts,
I knew them by rote.
–i like this…
The Intoxication grew but so did the inspiration.–here here!
I wanted to write epic poems
about how a man’s heart
could be charred so black
or frozen completely solid.
I want to write, only what I would write
I wouldn’t actually want you to read.
–this last senetnce is great!;)0
I understand why I render myself mute,
or morbidly thinking how death is romantic.
–I liek the first line..render myself mutwe, but then the second opart”or morbidly thinking how death is romantic”. the sentiment is fne, but the syntax is off and doesn’t match witjh the prior sentence,,, the tense of ‘morbidly thinking’ that -ing doesn’t match the tense above it…reread it and tell me how it sounds to you.
New York City is beautiful in a blizzard,–another here here!
everything engulfed in white makes me feel so distant.
You are not my enemy in case you forgot,
My mind is my worst nemesis.–the mind that broods, not you? you are the mind…you are you’re own worst enemy, we get it!
I think, therefore I rot.
—now, tahts an ending…nice
My Mind broods like a mischivous thunder in violent skies, approaching beaches long evacuated…
even? not aure its off somehow!
You only used “Ebbing” cause Trevor used it in a song! Biter!
who is this ‘trevor.? and how long has he had the monopoly on the word ‘ebb’….selfish jerk!
Factor, is referring to Trevor Strnad. He is the lyricist and vocalist of the Black Dahlia Murder. I too, did not realize that he had sole control that particular word. now, we know.